Hmm - time for an update..if I stick to my previous notes, everyone will think I'm a big fat liar...and I'm only guilty of two of those charges!
I no longer have tan lines.. It's true - I'm now a lovely shade of fish belly white all over - apart from the stretch marks of course.I anticipate that this will cause a stampede in my inbox-but look before you leap - you photographers scare easily - and I have a terrible habit of ripping my clothes off and blocking out the sun with my not inconsiderable cleavage(s). This can cause palpitations and unexplained sweatiness in those of a sensitive nature.
I will travel great distances if you offer me money. As yet, no-one has offered to pay me to travel to a shoot, but that's fine..I'm making a good living out of the dosh that most photographers offer me to get as far away as possible.
If you do pluck up the courage to shoot me, I can get myself into all manner of weird and wonderful poses..I can maintain the more contorted poses for ages..sometimes long after the paramedics have given up and gone home.
I can do my own hair and makeup in a variety of styles. My current favourite is the "Aunt Sally", although I am currently working on the "Barbara Cartland" and the "Pete Burns". For those who prefer a more natural fresh faced look - I can recommend several other models on this site who don't share my talent for trowelling on the slap, but seem to do alright out of it anyway. That Claire bird for a start - she says she's my age, but I have it on good authority that she's actually a 22 year old who can't cut it with the other youngsters, so she's trying to muscle in on old dear territory..the lying cow..
I don't do any rude stuff - purely because by the time I've worked out where my rude bits are, shifted half a hundredweight of spare tyres and had a bit of a dig around to find them - most photographers have got bored and gone home, or succumbed to old age.
Come on then - you know you want to..